Variations on the old joke, “You can’t fire me—I quit!” for the Fake Age.
The following is my interpretation of a piece written by Dr. Tenpenny on Gab, describing an imaginary exchange between a spiteful COVID-19 needle Nazi and a human being. What modifications I’ve made reflect my unique privilege as an elderly unemployed man who has since lost interest in the superficial pleasures of the world and is far happier for being so unburdened. Your mileage will vary, so don’t come screaming at me regarding how you’re backed into a corner, you have to be around people, etc. I regret your unfortunate position but take your rage out on the foul creatures supporting this pandemic hoax. This isn’t even my world, for which I most non-ironically thank my almighty God.
Them: You won’t take the vaxx? Poor choice, but that’s on you. You won’t be allowed into any more concerts or football games. Me: Live music and sports no longer interest me. Them: You can’t go into a shopping mall. Me: Shopping malls still exist? Them: You can’t drink at a bar. Me: Given the increasingly draconian rent-seeking of Driving While Impaired laws since the 1980s, and that one beer at a bar costs a little over half of a six-pack from the store, it’s been safer and more cost-efficient to drink at home since at least 1985. Them: You can’t enter night clubs. Me: See above. Also, I’m way too old for that Romper-Room-with-a-D.J. crap. Them: We’ll tell your employer. Me: That I’m way too old for that Romper-Room-with-a-D.J. crap? I’m sure he’d be amused if he existed. Them: We’ll take it from your salary. Me: You don’t listen so well, do you? Them: You can’t go to your job. Me: I work from home. Them: You can’t be in the city. Me: Rural crossroads farm town FTW. Them: You can’t go to McDonald’s or Burger King. Me: I quit that greasy kid’s stuff years ago. Them: You can’t eat at restaurants. Me: My favorite family-owned place closes at the end of the year. After that, I no longer care. Them: You can’t shop at large grocery stores. Me: Rural crossroads farm town FTW.
Them: You can’t be part of society. Me: No, I can’t. I’m a happy subject of a far superior Kingdom. Sucks to be you. Them: Your kids can’t come to school. Me: Nor should they. If I could do it all over again, I’d homeschool. Them: You’ll be on your own. Me: I have my family, my fellow believers, and people reaching the same conclusions all over the world. Them: You can’t choose for yourself Me: I just did. Them: What can we tempt you with? Me: You people are at once silly, hateful and disgusting, so, nothing. Good day. [walks away]
Them: [shouting after] “Well, uh, you’re stupid!”
I’ve been saying it’s not my country since November but given that this is not even my world, it should go without saying, so I won’t. Whatever variables are in play within your own situation, I hope you take the lesson of detachment-as-freedom from this. These people want you frightened and unhappy. They have nothing you want, and only as much control over you as you permit. Deny their permissions as they would deny yours. That is all.
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