All my life
I’ve been yearning
for a feeling
of what it might feel like
to be a part of something
wondering
what could it possibly
feel like to be
a part of something
good and right
and working
the way it should be
I’ve searched for security
among the fading aches
of sunbeams on bookshelves
furry with dust
the artifacts
of my long-since grown
children’s childhoods
upon them
I’ve spent many an evening
walking along the road
the cars whooshing by
wishing I was on my way
with them
to a place
lively with beer, laughter,
and joyous camaraderie
instead of the lonely night’s
drinking that lay ahead
I never considered what we’d do
the morning after our revels
only that we’d be at it again
the next evening
nor did I consider that
for the most part
I prefer to inebriate myself
in solitude
that I may more
thoroughly wallow
in sorrows I cannot drown
smug-proud I’m doing it
with beer and not hard liquor
at least I know I’m that smart
for a common slave
loner that I am
I am still a herd animal
and wish I was better at it
God shakes His head
and I marvel He cares
to do so much
before He cuts another path
for my wandering feet.
